Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dear Jacob,

I've missed you every minute of every day since you've been gone. Daddy and I were so excited about your arrival. Everyday we were planning and getting ready for you. I had daddy on a new list of "to dos" every weekend. Ava has asked about you. She used to poke on you while you were in my tummy, and she would kiss and hug you. I showed her your picture and she kissed it. She loves you very much. It breaks my heart that you won't get to grow up with your big sister. It makes me sad to know we won't ever see you roll on your tummy, crawl, take your first steps or say your first words. We won't get to see you grow up to be a big boy, play football with your daddy or attend your first day of kindergarten. We will miss out on so many things. A lifetime. You never saw me, your dad or your sister. You never saw any of the friends and family who love you so much. Your life was so short, you never even got to take a breath. Just becuase your life was short, Angel, doesn't mean it was insignificant. You gave us so much joy and excitement. All of us were so thrilled about you. You gave us the vision of our family. That we could be more than 3, and one day we will be. The 9 months I carried you were the happiest months of my life. I am grateful I was with you every day of your life. I cared for you, fed you and kept you safe all that time. I held you in my arms for hours after you were born, until I had to let you go. You were with your momma every day of your life. I am so grateful for that. I want you to know that although you are no longer in momma's arms, you are in my heart always and will be forever. Until we meet again and I can hold you in my arms. I look forward to that day again. Until then, I will take care of your sister and daddy and you will be in their hearts as well. I will thank God everyday of my life for blessing mine with yours. Not only did you bring joy and hope to our lives, but you gave so many others another reason to be grateful for their healthy babies and children. You showed us there are worse things in life than an argument with daddy or an empty checking account. You've changed our lives forever. And as heartbreaking as it is to lose you, I am glad God blessed us with you. If I had known what was going to happen, I would have had you anyway. Because I couldn't imagine my life without you sweet boy. I couldn't imagine never having known your love.